


Even If This Is A Lost Battle, I don’t want cry

by mihigh3725



Series: Seventeen Soulmate au! [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: 96 line are roommates, Anxiety, College AU, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Junhoon is platonic, M/M, Multi, Soulmate AU, Swearing, roommate au, to tag as the story goes on, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-02-26 15:19:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13238496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mihigh3725/pseuds/mihigh3725
Summary: If your soulmate is injured, you too will feel part of the pain and will share the bruise. Jun thinks there is nothing more binding than sharing pain yet he wants the pain to stop. He wants his soulmate to stop hurtingthemselves. He wants them to be happy. Jun wants to save them.This is the story of how Wonwoo was saved.





	1. Jun

**Author's Note:**

> !TRIGGER WARNING! Do not read if triggered by depression / anxiety / self harm.
> 
> You are loved! Please do not hurt yourself!

Jun hates it. Jun hates this world. He hates the cruel world that forced his soulmate to drag a blade across his skin. _It hurts_ but Jun can’t be mad at his soulmate, it was this world which drove his other half to hate himself. He can only imagine the pain he was feeling on the inside that drove him to hurt himself so even if it hurts Jun too, he will endure it. Jun hates all the people who caused his soulmate to self-harm. 

And if… _Jun hates this possibility the most,_ if his soulmate was depressed for the sole reason that the universe hated him so much that he had to suffer meaninglessly. Then, Jun would shield his soulmate from everything in the universe.

The stings of pain stop and Jun wonders if his soulmate was done for the night. He hopes the cuts stop. He always does. It breaks Jun’s heart every time. The cuts are mostly on his thighs and shoulders with some of them on his stomach and ribs. Some of the cuts will never heal, they ended up reopened too regularly. Others have been scarred forever. Once, intentional or not, his soulmate carved “NO” on his shoulder. It never faded. In that moment, Jun had felt as if their emotions had connected because nothing else could have explained the sudden intense pain and suffering he felt in his heart.

“I guess that’s it for tonight,” Jun murmurs to himself. He rolls down his sleeves and tucks himself into bed. He stares at the glow-in-the-dark star stickers he has on his walls— he wants to find his soulmate quickly before anything irreversible happens.

—  
Today’s the day Jun moves into his new uni dorm. He’ll be rooming with three other guys apparently. As long as it has a place to sleep and heaters in the shower, Jun will be fine. He’s lived in worse conditions, really.

He stands nervously in front of the door. Before he can knock, the door swings open.

E-Eh?!

In front of him stood a dude with indigo blue hair and a smile that could light up the whole world. 

“Save me!” He yells, smile disappearing quickly as the sounds of footsteps grow louder and jumps into Jun’s arms.

Jun manages to catch him and he releases a sigh. That was… unexpected. Behind indigo haired dude, Jun sees a short dude with black hair. His eyes seem to glint maliciously.

“KWON SOONYOUNG! How dare you jump into a stranger’s arm?”

Ouch. If glares could kill Jun would be six feet under. He figures that he should at least introduce himself, “I’m Wen Junhui, the new roommate?”

“Oh! I’ll help you bring your things in. Lower me down please.”

Jun lowers Soonyoung down as he had requested. Both Soonyoung and Jun move his things into the hall as Jihoon retreats back into the dorm.

Soonyoung continues babbling as they bring Jun’s things in, “Jihoon isn’t that scary usually, he’s just mad that I forgot to tape my feet while dancing for the millionth time. So, well of course I ran away! Right into your arms, my knight in shining armor,” Soonyoung poses dramatically.

Jun couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe this dorm life wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“You dance? I dance too! I’m a Dance major actually.”

“Sweet! I’m a Dance major too! My stage name is Hoshi, which means star in Japanese! And Jihoon’s a music major and his stage name is Woozi. I forgot what it meant but don’t tell him that.” Soonyoung says, giving him the stink eye.

Jun explains that he doesn’t have a stage name and is fine with being called Jun. When they finally bring all of Jun’s things in, Jihoon walks in with another dude. _Holy shit._ Jun’s never seen anyone that handsome before. He’s almost as tall as Jun and is wearing thinly rimmed circular glasses.

“Hi, I’m Wonwoo. You’ll be rooming with me from today.” Wonwoo extends his hand for a handshake.

Jun shakes hands with both Wonwoo and Jihoon and introduces himself. They discuss chores and they give Jun the least chores as he is new. He would have protested but Jun felt that he’d need the free time, transferring to a Uni mid-semester was never easy.

Wonwoo leads Jun to his room as Jihoon drags Soonyoung into another room. However, Soonyoung doesn’t look too worried. If it were Jun, he’d be terrified.

The room is quite big with a study table, two closets and a bunk bed. There is also a cabinet filled with books next to a couch and Jun can’t help but want to look through the titles. Were all of these Wonwoo’s? And was that Hamlet Jun saw?

Wonwoo clears his throat and Jun sheepishly rubs his neck. 

“I’ll take the bottom bed if that’s fine with you, Junhui.”

“I like the top bunk better anyway! And, you can call me Jun.”

Jun feels flustered. He’s never talked to someone this beautiful. He wonders how Wonwoo will look without his glasses. Wonwoo also mentions something about asking for permission before reading the books. Damn, were all of those books his?

Jun leaves the room, telling Wonwoo he’d look around. Wonwoo doesn’t offer to show him around so Jun tries to figure out the layout by himself. 

Wonwoo’s room, which is now his room, is the first door on the right from the entrance. He assumes that Soonyoung and Jihoon’s shared room is the room next to his. When you walk straight from the entrance, through the hall, you have the kitchen. There is another toilet connected to the kitchen and Jun is pretty sure he saw a door in his room which should be the toilet and the shower. The place was a great! Three toilets and a hall! No wonder the rent was higher than usual. It was completely worth it.

Jun’s stomach grumbles and he looks through the fridge to see what they have. He sets about making lunch in the kitchen, it looked like he could make rice with boiled vegetables and curry. Maybe he’d make lunch for all of them...

Jihoon is the first out of his room.

“I smelt something,” he pauses, seeing Jun cooking.

“Ah, I used the stuff I found in the fridge! I’m sor- “

Jihoon shakes his head, “I’ll help you.”

“Maybe, you could help me set the table? Thank you so much!”

Jihoon begins to bustle around doing just that and Wonwoo comes out and joins Jihoon.

Finally, as Jun brings the food to the table, Soonyoung steps out bleary eyed. His lips were swollen considerably compared to earlier and… Jihoon’s lips were swollen too! That would explain why Jihoon was pissed about Soonyoung not taping his feet. They seemed like polar opposites to Jun, but fate had its ways. He wanted to meet his soulmate too but he was happy for now — A new dorm with great roommates! He couldn’t help the smile that was forming.

“What are you smiling at?” Surprisingly, it was Wonwoo who asked.

“Nothing.”


	2. My I

“Yah! My lips are burning!” Jihoon yells at Soonyoung, while eating.

What? Jun looks up from his food to see Soonyoung sweating and almost crying.

“ _Spicy,_ ” Soonyoung huffed out in between breathes.

“I’m sorry! I’ll get some milk.” Jun did a ninety-degree bow and dashed off to the kitchen.

“You should have said something!” Jun protests at Soonyoung. He shouldn’t have made the curry to his own taste. Poor Soonyoung’s lips had been burning so bad, Jihoon felt it.

“I wanted to eat everything since it was the first meal Jun made for us,” said Soonyoung, wiping a tear.

Oh, this kid. Jun couldn’t help but reach out and ruffle his hair.

“That doesn’t mean you should make me suffer,” quipped Jihoon and the duo started arguing with each other.

Jun poked at his food. From now on, he should only make the food bland and buy chilli sauce to add for himself.

He feels a touch on his arm and he turns to face Wonwoo.

“I like spicy food,” Wonwoo doesn’t smile but his eyes seem gentle.

“Then, you’d better get second servings, Wonwoo!” Jun adds more rice to Wonwoo’s plate and he swears he sees Wonwoo grimace. Maybe, Wonwoo wasn’t so cold after all.

Well, if Wonwoo liked spicy food, that would explain the spices Jun found...

After lunch, Jun is officially appointed the cook of Dorm S-17 and is relieved of all the chores he had. He doesn’t mind, he used to cook for his family all the time.

He then goes over his schedule with Soonyoung to find that they have the same schedule. At least, that meant that Jun wouldn’t be alone and lost around campus.

“Hey, why’d you transfer in the middle of the semester?” Soonyoung asks.

Welp, here goes nothing.

“I’m looking for someone, my best friend. His name is Xu Minghao and I heard that he was studying here.”

“Damn, he must be important to you if you were willing to transfer schools for him. I hope you find him Jun.”

“I hope so too.”

 

 _HaoHao!_ Jun calls out to him but he doesn’t turn around

Minghao is wearing all black and has dyed his hair brown. Jun reaches out but Minghao fades under his touch. He tries to run after him but a stinging pain on his thigh causes him to fall.

“Minghao! Minghao!” Jun gasps for air. He hopes he hasn’t woken Wonwoo up.

Jun’s thigh still hurts, he looked down to see blood soaking his pyjamas.

Blood?! This had never happened before. Jun felt the pain and the cuts but had never bled, no matter how deep the wounds seemed. Had Jun’s bond with his soulmate suddenly increased? Maybe, Jun was closer to his soulmate than he thought.

The blood stain grew bigger, **fuck** , Jun would stain the bed at this rate. He remembered seeing a first aid box in the kitchen while cooking. 

Jun tried to be quiet but his feet slipped on the ladder and he kicked the bed frame. Hopefully, Wonwoo was a heavy sleeper and wouldn’t wake up. He clambered into the hall only to see… Jihoon?

Urgh, that didn’t matter. This hurt like hell. 

“Oh my god… Jun! Sit down. I’ll get the first aid kit.” Jihoon scrambles away from the dining table, quickly slamming his laptop down.

Jun collapses on the floor and tries to prop himself against the wall. He takes off his pants to try and assess the wound. It wasn’t too deep, so why the fuck was it bleeding? His bond with his soulmate had strengthened, yada yada. He knew the technical information but it made no sense.

Jihoon uses a rag to apply pressure.

“Fuck!” He grits out through his teeth.

Jihoon just grimaces at Jun as he takes deep breaths. He…needed to… prepare for the next cut. It would be worse, but Jun could endure it— he knew he could.

The next cut never came but Wonwoo came, his eyes were wide.

“I saw blood on the floor… Shit! Jun!” He joined Jihoon in applying pressure.

“I think it stopped bleeding now, Junnie. I’ll apply antiseptic but it will hurt.” Wonwoo sees Jun, who is too busy gritting his teeth and clenching his fist to give a reply, and decides to begin dabbing anyway.

Jun bites his tongue to prevent himself screaming, he doesn’t want to scream. This wasn’t painful at all, he would handle all the pain for his soulmate.

“Jun, you idiot! Don’t bite your tongue, scream if you have to.” Wonwoo says as he continues dabbing. How did Won-

Ah! He shakes his head. Jun wouldn’t scream.

“Jihoon! Get a cloth, rag anything! Let him bite down on that instead.” 

Jihoon who had been as still as a statue dashes off. He returns with something and shoves it into Jun’s mouth. He decides to hold Jun’s hand, rubbing circles on Jun’s palm. Jihoon feels Jun’s grip on his hand tighten, and takes a deep breath.

“It’s done, it’s done. I’ll bandage it.”

Finally, its over… Jun’s grip on Jihoon’s hand loosens and he slumps forward, falling on Wonwoo.

“Jun! Jun!”

—  
Jun shoots awake and sits up. He sees Wonwoo sitting on a chair near him, he immediately hands Jun a glass of water. Jun sips at it as Wonwoo whisper-yells at Jihoon to come over. It must still be early, if Soonyoung isn’t with them. But then again, its a Sunday so the definition of “early” goes out the window.

Jun realises he’s on the couch and the clock hanging on the opposite wall tells him its 7am. He fainted for five hours? That was… unexpected. Wonwoo had stayed awake that long next to Jun?

Jun’s also wearing an extremely baggy pair of sweatpants that don’t reach his ankles. It wasn’t his… Jun tried to move his leg but could only wince in pain.

“What happened, Jun?” Jihoon asks.

It occurs to Jun that he’d never said it aloud. He had hid it from everyone ever since he was fourteen.

“My soulmate… He self harms. It’s weird, the cuts have never drawn blood before though, especially since this cut isn’t that deep. Maybe, he’s close by.”

“Don’t you hate your soulmate? He’s being selfish and hurting both of you.”

“Wonwoo! No!” Jihoon seethes at Wonwoo.

“How could I ever hate my soulmate? It’s not his fault— I hate this world and all the people who made him self harm.”

“Jun…” Wonwoo trails off, “I bandaged your thigh but be careful. I’ll bring you to a clinic later. We need to make sure it doesn’t get infected.”

“Please keep this a secret. I don’t want anyone to judge my soulmate before meeting him. I’m sorry, Jihoon but please don’t tell Soonyoung either. I don’t want to see him upset.”

“Alright but I want to come to the clinic too.” Jihoon still seemed on edge.

“Nope, you can’t,” Wonwoo pops the ‘p’, “If you come, Hoshi will come too. Stay home like you usually do, workaholic.”

“Shut the fuck up,four-eyed worm.”

Jun laughed. ‘Four-eyed worm’ What did that even mean?

“It’s nice to see you smile, Junnie.”

And for the first time ever, Jun sees Wonwoo smile.


	3. Coffee

Wonwoo supports Jun as he walks. Jun insists that he can walk just fine but Wonwoo is as stubborn as a mule. 

Jun tries to calm himself as they head to the doctors. What if his soulmate was dead? What if that had been the killing cut, which was why Jun had bled?

“I accidentally cut myself,” its a feeble lie but the doctor doesn’t seem to care.

“Simple activities like walking is fine but you can’t run or do any other vigorous activity.”

“Does that mean I can’t dance?” If Jun couldn’t dance, there was no point—he had looked after himself so well that he rarely got pains yet yet...

“It depends on the complexity of the dance but I would advise you to avoid it to prevent reopening your wound.”

Jun grits his teeth and says nothing. Fuck. 

They leave the clinic quietly after Jun took the prescribed painkillers. They made him spacey and slightly dizzy so he held on to Wonwoo as he walked.

“Junnie, I’ll treat you at my favourite cafe. How does that sound?”

“That’ll be nice. Thanks, Wonwoo. What do you recommend?” Jun is trying to stay positive, the wound will close up in a week as it usually does and he can go back to dancing.

Wonwoo starts talking and Jun can’t help but think he must really like the cafe. His eyes are full of shine and he’s gesturing with his hands.

Wonwoo’s eyes are breathtaking… His lips look moist and pink.

“Wonu…” Jun slurs Wonwoo’s name, “Can I kiss you?”

The expression on Wonwoo’s face is unreadable. Jun takes it as a yes. 

He presses his lips to Wonwoo’s. Just as Jun is about to pull back, Wonwoo licks Jun’s lips causing him to part them. Jun tries to remind himself that Wonwoo _isn’t_ his soulmate. It was so wrong yet it felt so right. There were fireworks exploding in Jun’s mind as he realised Wonwoo tasted like maple syrup. 

When they finally break apart, Wonwoo’s lips are swollen and Jun smiles a lazy smile.

“I’m your soulmate.” Wonwoo kicks the ground and stares at it.

“It’s ok, I love you already. Does that mean this is our first date?”

“Junnie, I’m sorr-“

“Don’t be an idiot and buy me my coffee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its a filler chapter, the next update will take a while to come~ enjoy the fluff before shit hits the fan


	4. Wonu?

Ever since cuts had first appeared on Jun’s body, Jun had sweared that he would protect his soulmate from everything that would hurt him even himself. 

Hence, it was no surprise that when their soulmate bond had strengthened and became stable — it transferred all of Wonwoo’s pain to Jun. When Wonwoo dragged a blade across the skin on his thighs, all he had felt was an ant’s bite and the blood that leaked had been little, too little. And then, Wonwoo had heard noises outside so had cleaned himself up and ran out to see Jun bleeding from his thigh instead.

The soulmate bond could be influenced by external factors such as medicine which could even cut it off, it was frequently used when one soulmate suffered from a chronic illness of sort and did not want the other soulmate to suffer with them. So it wasn’t exactly a surprise, when Jun’s mentality of protecting Wonwoo and taking the pain on himself, had literally caused all of Wonwoo’s pain to transfer instead of just a tiny portion of it.

Wonwoo already hated himself but he hated himself more for hurting Jun so bad. Jun wouldn’t be able to dance, even if just for a week, he wouldn’t be able to pursue his passion because of Wonwoo. Wonwoo hated himself so much, Jun was nice, beautiful and loving and Wonwoo didn’t deserve him.

“Whatever you’re thinking about, stop. I can feel it, you know?” Jun squeezed Wonwoo’s hand lightly. “I know you have problems but you are not the illness. We’ll get help together,ok? Don’t worry. Smile for me please?”

Wonwoo smiled and laced his fingers together with Jun’s. Jun was… right. Whatever Wonwoo felt, _Jun would feel too_. Wonwoo wasn’t alone anymore. They’d get through this **together.**

The cafe he was bringing Jun to was a cafe, not too close to campus. The cafe was called Hip Hop. Wonwoo worked there part time and both the food and the drinks were delicious, besides if he worked there it was obviously his favourite cafe. Who said Wonwoo couldn’t   
be biased? Besides, Wonwoo had standards for the places he worked at. No point in working at shitty places.

“I also work at the cafe part-time. The owner is Choi Seungcheol but we call him S.Coups. I don’t know why actually. Jeonghan and Joshua co manage. Vernon, S.Coups, Jeonghan, Joshua And I are baristas. I usually work the night shift and there’s two others that I met, Seokmin and Chan. I rarely go to the cafe in the day because I take all the coffee I would need before I clock off. I only work on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.”

Wonwoo’s not one to ramble or talk really but he doesn’t want Jun to ask him about “his problems” yet. It’s… too soon.

They enter the cafe and Wonwoo orders from the both of them, flashing a smile to both Vernon and Seungkwan who are at the counter. The cafe isn’t that crowded but it isn’t exactly empty either.

A waiter with firetruck red hair delivers their food. Hm, he must be new.

“Minghao?” Jun sputters out, his eyes as wide as the moon.

“Junnie?” 

Whoever Minghao is, he’s using Wonwoo’s nickname for Jun and it is unacceptable.

“Let’s catch up, Minghao!” Jun has a wide smile on his face and if it will make Jun happy, Wonwoo won’t mind their **first** date being gatecrashed. 

“Sure, I get off my shift in a few minutes.”

Jun watches Minghao leave before talking about him. Wonwoo learns that Minghao and Jun were best friends who had participated in a national level dance competition once. They had won with their song called “My I”, however, Minghao up and disappeared before they could split the prize money. According to Minghao’s family, Minghao had suddenly transferred university for his soulmate who suddenly fell ill, a certain ‘Kim Mingyu’. It had been about two months before Jun had flown here too so that the prize money could go to Mingyu’s treatment. The paperwork had taken too long.

Kim Mingyu? The name was familiar. _Oh!_ He was the dude that used to be in the student council. He had been very popular with his height and looks that he even modelled occasionally. Wonwoo hadn’t heard about him in a while.

“How did they meet?”

And Jun launches into the story of how Mingyu had been visiting his grandparents and had knocked his head on the door. He had entered the dog cafe to see the worker with a very similar bruise on their forehead. It was a long distance relationship but they maintained it with Mingyu often coming to visit Minghao during the holidays. Mingyu then fell seriously ill and Minghao had up and left, leaving nothing but a note for his family. Sure, Jun didn’t have to transfer schools but he had done it because of a childhood promise that they would follow each other everywhere.

Jun talked a lot but could also be quiet when he wanted to. Just, as Wonwoo was about to ask more questions, Minghao arrived. He sat next to Jun at the booth.

“Hi, I’m Jeon Wonwoo.”

“I’m Xu Minghao. I think I’ve seem your name on the duty roster. How do you two know each other?”

“I-“ What were they really?

“He’s my soulmate, Hao!” Jun says with the biggest smile on his face.

The look on Minghao’s face completely changes. His eyes are filled with fire.

“How dare you hurt Junnie every day?! _Get out!_ ”

“Minghao!” Jun protests.

Minghao… is right. 

Wonwoo runs out of the cafe and Jun… 

Jun doesn’t follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is unedited forgive me~ T_T   
> Minghao doesn’t mean to be an asshole and the reason he told Wonwoo to leave was bcos he had so much pent up anger on him for hurting Jun, that he might have lashed out. I mean, he’s not wrong either.
> 
> also i changed it so that Jun transferred uni cos of minghao’s family


	5. Mingyu...?

Jun is speechless. He couldn’t believe Minghao had said that. He would have gone after Wonwoo if it wasn’t for the fact that Minghao was in the way.

Jun had once thought like Minghao too and then he had done research. He had looked into _why_ his soulmate had felt that way. It was an illness and could be cured. It wasn’t Wonwoo’s fault and neither did Wonwoo or him deserve to suffer. 

Minghao was being uneducated and essentially, an asshole. 

“I know what you’re thinking, Jun. I _know_ that he’s ill. But he hurt you repeatedly, I can’t control my anger.” 

“It wasn’t his fa-“

“He could have chosen not to self harm, Jun. Even if he is depressed, he could have chosen not too but instead he hurt you everyday for the past, god knows how many, years. He should never have started.”

“I can’t imagine the pain he must have had to hurt himself- how’d you even know?”

“We’ve had countless sleepovers in the past, you didn’t exactly hide it.”

“Mingyu! What’s up with Mingyu?!” Jun tries to change the topic, Minghao disapeared with no means of contact.

“He’s in a coma, he fell and… I felt it in my bond, like my soul was being ripped apart. I rushed here to see him in a coma and to find that his hospital bills are a fortune and that his parents have been struggling. I’ve been working my ass off here. I sold my phone and downgraded. Every day, I go and exercise his arms and legs so that when he wakes up it won’t be too difficult for him. I need him to wake up Jun, I want to see his stupid smile again. I can’t live like this anymore.” 

Minghao breaks down and Jun rubs circles on Minghao’s hand.

“Remember that dance competition we signed up for? Long story short, we won. We won $5000. You can use it to bring Mingyu back to his parents house where they can look after him. You can be around him always and wouldn’t need to worry so much. You need to smile and be happy so that one day, the warmth of your smile would reach him and he would wake up. He would want you to be happy, HaoHao.”

Jun had spent the entire time ignoring the pain in his chest. The ache kept growing. He had to go after Wonwoo.

“Minghao I-“

“Go after him, don’t lose him like I’m losing mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY HEART BROKE WRITING MINGYU WITHCANCER SO I SWITCHED TO COMA

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Hit me up with writing asks at my tumblr- @astrayminho


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